The thing is, how do I really know what I want? I mean I think I do but my mind gets so confused. I just feel like a weakling again. I feel pathetic actually.
Your right, thinking about deserving is her way. Am I ever going to be released from her ways of life? Do I want to get back into a relationship again where it's an effort to be around her? It's been so easy I must admit. Hard to deal with my feelings, with all the pain, but easy to actually just live without getting "permission" about everything.m
I know my heart says, be a good person, be kind, and don't have bad thoughts.
I shouldn't feel scared, or dread wanting my mother.