Hi Messedinthehead. Sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time right now.
PC is a safe place to share. Feel free to open up as much as you like. I too have a special place that I go to when I'm not feeling good. It helps to get outside of yourself. My place is not dark. It is pure white. I can choose how and when I am going to interact with my special place.

I suggest you see a pdoc and get meds for your depression. You can also see your family doctor for that too. I'm going to give you some links to areas you might find useful.

Depression - Forums at Psych Central
Anxiety, Panic and Phobias - Forums at Psych Central
Survivors of Abuse - Forums at Psych Central
Steps to Better Self-Esteem - Forums at Psych Central

I hope these help you.

Sincerely,

Piraeus