I wonder, have you tried learning to meditate or do yoga? What I am thinking is that it is a healthy way to "retreat", one that others won't criticize you for, and you may find that you have many places to "go" in there. It is also relaxing; and if you plan for, say, 20min twice a day, you may be able to develop a pattern----I don't think you want to totally give up that inside place, just make it a good place to go that is acceptable and healing. (I know, there are times it just "happens"---if you know your triggers you could work on getting a little ahead of them also)----just an idea. Talk isn't always the answer....And, good for you for having a date to talk to pdoc if needed.
I know what you mean about the "between" being worse, it is painful to be pulled in two directions at once with all the responsibilities and relationships to deal with.
Especially when someone, however well intentioned, reacts negatively to a defense mechanism you developed so early. Then again, sometimes those mechanisms work better when we are young and have little control over our lives, and begin to plague us and others as we grow and move away from the original source/need...
hugs to you. {just an aside, i have spent years in the mental health and health field and have indeed had therapists and docs who know me and my work---and who have known me as a client, and a co-worker....a long time ago it was strange but now it just is----my pcp knows more about my work life and history than I do....and, after years, some of these people actually began to ask my opinion privately of others in the field, and I began to learn quite a bit about them personally...as I get older, and they begin to retire, I realize that it was a kind of support that I will miss....}