Hi. This is my first post other than my introduction post. It was my case manager at Aetna's idea for me to join a support site. I hope I do this right. First of all I only know 6 people. I have no friends. I don't leave my house unless I'm with my husband and then it's short quick trips. I have to count all the numbers and letters on street signs or we will crash and die. If I go somewhere alone a bomber or gunman will attack. I worry constantly that my children are going to die in a wreck or get shot. I love my flower garden. I love butterflies. I go to therapy every week by myself. I feel worthless like if my house isn't clean I'll be cast aside. Banned. I take so much medicine it isn't even funny. I love music. Like John Denver and Damien Rice. I haven't spoken to my mother in 3 weeks and she lives just 12 minutes away. I miss my grandmother but she passed away almost 25 years ago. I try so hard to keep my house clean like she did and my flowers pretty like she did and my kids happy like she did me. I think if I don't then a disaster will happen like a plane crash or a bombing. It seems to all be my fault.