Quote:
Originally Posted by stopdog
RTS - I have been in the position of your husband. But the thing is, I often really do not know why someone would be hurt by what I said. I might not want them to be (and usually I do not) but I really don't see what I said as upsetting. However, if my partner will tell me, I usually try to avoid doing it again. We both had to let go of the idea of me understanding or even agreeing - but as I do not want to do it in most cases - I can change it. So for us, that is a reason for my partner to bother telling me. It is like speaking two different languages. I am not that easily hurt, but she does not truly understand why I am when I am either, because it is not what would bother her or frankly many others from what I have seen.
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Stopdog, this is beautiful. Once I got this concept thru my own thick head, my therapy and my real life started to go a whole lot easier. I once had a boyfriend who would argue about whether we could even agree about what color we saw was blue or green. That's taking it a little too far imo but how people communicate is a mystery to me. We do assume too much Ie that the other person sees things the same way we do. RTS, my t would probably tell you to talk to your h.
Eta: except for stuff like full frontal. Nothing like contradicting myself!