Quote:
Originally Posted by messedinthehead
roitgrrrl- The thing is I was going quiet well, he was my outlet, now not only did I lose the outlet I'm mourning his loss, I'm feeling terrible about being rejected, although I knew for along time he did far more for me than I for him, this took away any doubts in my mind, I also know I would never let him go in any situation other than what occurred. Even had it been my husband who had a problem with it, I would have continued because we weren't cheating, we were just friends, and he means far too much to me to let go. But that isn't what happened. What really happened is his wife put pressure on him so he chucked me aside without even talking to me about it. Perhaps had he at least done that, acknowledged my pain, exposing any of his if he is feeling any, perhaps it would have been easier. When he knows he is my only outlet and walks away with a "sorry about everything," it hurts all the more.
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I totally understand about loss, and you have my every sympathy, honestly, you do. But it was the other parts of your posts that made me question, which made me think there is much more to this than the loss of a good friend. I do not understand, esp as you've been a therapist, why you do not work out the stuff that made you suffer so very badly, why you do not work on your attachment issues and why it devastated you so much. It to me seemed a huge huge huge issue and one that can be helped.
Even now, you talk about him acknowledging your pain and 'chucking' aside. You know that nobody ever has to give you anything or a reason to do it. It's up to us to control our reactions. It's not his fault he was your only outlet - that is your choice. By the sounds of it, even though he was an internet buddy, he had good reason to end it for his marriage. His wife is number one, as it should be and I can understand why she felt uncomfortable - it's like an emotional affair. I know that it wasn't sexual, but emotional - worse in some ways. Please do not deny that because if it wasn't emotional you wouldn't have reacted this way. You should, as a friend to him, be grateful for such friendship over the last two years, and let him go without all this ill-feeling and pity.
As his wife is number one, your husband should be number one. If he is unable to discuss things with you that you need to talk about, then I like the suggestion of Perna's, you need to make more friends, and not just online. You also need to understand that friends are not therapists, and unloading can be ok for some, it won't be for others. As your husband is unable (or unwilling) then the offloading really should be with a therapist, as much as you hate the idea.
We are in control of what we do with our lives, we really are. If we are unhappy, we can only look to ourselves to change it. Endless reasons of why we can't change things is just fear or misinformation, but in reality we can change things.