Today at the grocery store my mom asked me, "Why do you seem so sad all the time these days?" I just kind of shrugged my shoulders because I'm still not really sure how to tell her about how I feel, plus the middle of the grocery store isn't really the best place to talk about that sort of thing. She then went on to ask me if I hated being at home and hated being around her and my dad. I said "no" because I mean...how the hell else am I supposed to respond to a question like that? But the truth is that I DON'T really like being at home or around them for any length of time. I wouldn't use the word "hate" but well...I definitely need to get away from them. I'm just starting to realize how different I am from them, and how much I need to be more independent. Plus my dad's immaturity and my mom's co-dependence really start to wear on my nerves. I feel sometimes like they are toxic to me, like they make the problems I already have even worse. Getting away from them would be a refreshing change. I think getting out of state is the only way to do that. At my current school they'd guilt me into visiting them, and I'd still have to deal with summers at home. Transferring out of state would mean I wouldn't have to visit as often, and could stay on campus during the summer.

It's so difficult because every time my parents say something like that, it makes it harder for me to tell them I want to transfer out of state. But at the same time, it makes me even more certain that transferring out of state is what I need. I've only been home for a little over a month and already I'm not sure how much more I can take. I feel terrible for feeling the way I do about them. They've always been good to me, and I still love them very much. I just can't stand being around them.