I felt something today..

We got to church this morning, dropped the kids off at kid's church and went and had a seat in the sanctuary. We are still rather new to this church, and have yet to make any close connections with anybody. Still, people come to us on and off say hi, how are we doing, shoot the breeze for a couple of moments. During this time, I just commented to my h that I miss having people to talk to. The people at my old church I have known (most of them anyways) since I was 12 years old, and the rest of them for about 7 years. All of a sudden this emmence feeling of lonliness came over me. I cried (something I have been trying to do for months now) just about the whole church service.

The fact is, even if we were still at our old church, I had withdrawn a lot from my friends there. I have done the same with my h and other close family members. I put walls up, I don't let people in anymore. T and I were just talking about this on Friday.. We were talking about the roots of when I started doing this and how lonely I must have felt as a 10 or 11 year old feeling like b/c of things that had happened to me in my short life has caused me to using these coping mechanisms. I have been telling me t for a while now, I just want to feel something. I did today.. its not a great feeling, but I know there are things that I need to change to let those people in that meet the criteria for being trustworthy in my life.

Anyways, just wanted to share.