Thanks for your post. It is very brave of you to post how you're feeling. I thank you for that because I've often felt like I was the only one who had these thoughts. I do think this way sometimes but of course I would never, ever act on it because I've got 3 kids who would be crushed and heart broken if I were stupid enough to take my own life. I've already put them through enough so I have got to keep hanging on no matter what. I think you should keep hanging on and if that medicine is making you have these thoughts then refuse to take it. Tell that doctor that it is only making things worse for you. I know how you feel when you say you can't quit your summer job to deal with yourself because you've got to pay the bills. I feel the same exact way. Many times I wish I could have the time off to go figure out what all is wrong with me and get myself better but I can't. No health insurance for one thing and I am a single mother of 3 and have to work as much as possible to keep this ball rolling over here. I'll just have to keep on hanging on. I'm so thankful that I've found this site and that people like you are so willing to share their stories. This is a tremendous help. Hang in there. I send many prayers your way!