Thank you. Mostly it's just feeling stressed and overwhelmed with D still being in a lot of pain and chronically tired and having to be the one to help her do the physical therapy at home and get her to the appointments. It involves causing her extra pain and between how much I hate to cause her pain, plus how upset she gets with me, it just seems too much some days. Work is stressful because I'm at the new firm and still adjusting.

Home is stressful with the stuff with my son that I mentioned before. H still thinks I am a pretty horrible person for physically moving the boy out of my room and in my son's head what was a firm, steady push to move him out, has escalated to me SHOVING him out. S keeps bringing it up to try to make me feel guilty so I will let him have his way on a variety of issues. I am standing my ground -- I apologized for yelling at him and touching him -- but I maintain that I have a right to peace and safety in my room, and neither H nor S seem to think that has anything to do with anything. They do not think it is at all relevant that they all followed me into my room when I said I didn't want to discuss it anymore, and refused to leave when I asked them to repeatedly.

Also I have only gotten to ride something like 5 times all year and it's already the end of June. I was supposed to ride today, but my horse would not get in the trailer to go over to where I was supposed to meet my friends. I co-own a trailer with a friend -- as in I own HALF of it. She has used it a lot without me the last two years and I am still paying half of all expenses, even though I only used it once last year. She keeps it at her house and acts very put upon if I take it to my house. Anyway, when we ride, I have to get the bumper pull trailer ready (air tires, etc), load my horse and all my stuff into the bumper pull, and go to her house. Whereupon, I have to help her get the big trailer ready (air tires, etc) because she says she cannot do it by herself, unload my horse and all my stuff and re-load them in the big trailer. I have asked her to come to my house and pick me up, but she says it is extra gas and time for her and the other person who rides with us and that is not fair to the other person. However, she has on MULTIPLE occasions insisted we drive 30 minutes and more out of our way for this same friend and several other friends and I am only 10 minutes from her house.

Big long story as background to say when my horse wouldn't load, my friend was calling me on the phone, wanting to leave, not wanting to wait and trying to get me to hurry. She did not offer to help. She did not offer to come get me. I was like, if you're ready to go and in a hurry, you can just come here. She said no, they'd wait "a little longer." Finally I was just like, **** it, if you're in that much of a hurry, just go. So they did.

So I was enraged at the horse, and at my friends and my H chooses this time to walk around heaving these huge sighs as if his life is sooooo hard. He and I had been getting along really well. D is being really difficult because she's in pain and doesn't want to do anything. It's as if everyone has waited until I am suicidally depressed again to be total dickheads to me.

I think that is probably the issue for him as well. He won't even back me up with our children, however. Last year when I was trying to help my son with some homework, he got really frustrated and pushed me down twice and held me down the second time, and when I pushed him off me, my H totally blamed me.

Thanks CE. I really do appreciate that.