Ever spoke to a T about your confident issues? It seems your dominant sexual side could be to help you to feel safe and not like the self described doormat that you see yourself as in rl. It'd be interesting to see if your self esteem and confidence issues etc in rl were resolved if and how that'd impact your need for power related fantasies.

Does anybody ever have any 'weird' fetishes? I've experimented with ageplay in the form of mother child roleplay before.