Mandy,

Those "how are you" questions are hard for me too. The automatic answer, "ok" always tends to be what comes out. I think I eleborate more now than I used to, and the details often don't support the description of ok or fine. I agree that it probably comes from the social understanding in American culture that when people ask how you are they are being polite and don't really want to know. Other cultures actually mean it and it is more common to give a detailed reply.

I even get stuck on saying that I'm okay without thinking about it when the question come from someone I know wants a real answer, like in therapy. With my previous therapist we went through the ritual pretty much every time. He asked "how are you," and I always said ok or fine, even when it was obvious that I wasn't, and he always had to ask again, "so how are you really?" My current T does not fall into that trap. After the customary hellos, she might just say something like "well...." I have a hard time coming up with what to talk about, so usually she has to stare at me for a while after that.

I do like the idea of actually saying how we really are. Why is that hard to do? I guess it would take a bit of self-awareness, and that takes some effort. In order to give a real answer to that question, you would have to first admit to yourself how you really are, and then also trust the other person to accept you where you are. Hmm, that sounds a bit like the kind of honest communication that therapy is about.

Rap