Thank you for your support and concern. I am not on meds right now. I just recently received medicaid and am having a hard time finding a doctor that accepts it. I was going to a local hospital (begrudgingly) and I have an appt on 11/29. I should confirm that it is still on as they are not very professional and have screwed up my appts in the past. I am trying to find somewhere else I can go. I was going there when I had no means to pay and that was the only place I could go. I wasn't happy about it because I don't like the hospital, I've had problems with them before. But my BF pretty much made me go. He called and made the appt. They set me up with a counselor to talk to but I cancelled that appt. I don't want to go there. I don't want to go anywhere really because I don't want to bump into people I know. I use to work in the mental health field and I know alot of people. Its embarrassing how far I have fallen. I was taking effexor before when I had insurance but when I lost the insurance I couldn't afford it and the withdrawal was very unpleasant. I don't ever want to go on that again. I'm really afraid of any antidepressants after not having alot of success with them. No medication really changed me and my behavior. And like I said when I would miss a day or so I would start to have withdrawal symptoms. This happened with wellbutrin and another med I was on that I can't remember the name. I don't have luck with meds. If anyone knows of a med that helped them please let me know. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and I spent it alone. My family whats left of them spent it together, they wanted me to come but I couldn't deal with being around a bunch of people. My mom passed away suddenly 8 months ago and we are all grieving. I am not dealing with it well at all and it has contributed to my depression. I am not close to my siblings and I have some issues with them. As I said, I feel alone. My bf went to his families house for dinner. I cooked for the two of us but was alone all day. I can't expect him to sit next to me all of the time just because I have nobody else. However he doesn't think about what I deal with and what it is like for me. He leaves me all of the time to go be with his family, his friends. He is home during the week but only to sleep and when the weekend comes he is usually gone. He is going today to spend the rest of the weekend with his family. They only live in the next town over but he goes to help them out with things he says. I don't get along with his family I never have. I have really good reasons for not bothering with them. I don't want to get into the details but I'll just say I would bet if anyone were in my shoes they would understand completely. Sorry to babble on, I am just feeling very down today. I hope everyone else had a good holiday and thanks for your kind words to me, it is very much appreciated.

Bree Marie.