i guess i am just venting i have to go to my aunts funeral tomorrow , all the family is going to be there, this includes my father and his wife (my abusers) i am so stressed out and my other half cannot be here.... Could not get off work... I feel really vulnerable about seeing him , he is really sick and yes he is my father and i guess i care but i am not sure why i would care if he is sick or not .... I use to wish he would become ill, feel really guilty about that.
I told him that because he would not own up to what he did god would make sure he suffered and boy he is suffering,,,,, I know this was not right but all i wanted was for him to say he was sorry so i could move on... He would not do that,,, So i wished him ill and now, this is the 2nd person to die on my fathers side, they seem to come in three's in my family, don't know about anyone else but anyhow....
Was it to much to ask? just an apology !! It is 2 am again and i cannot sleep nobody is on and I am alone !!!