do you keep a journal? like a diary? you might start writing down your feelings on a daily basis and that may help you........it's awfully hard to stuff feelings for so long and not have an outlet for them. it goes without saying that the journal should be where no one else would ever chance upon it.

there are tons of good people here who are ready to listen and talk to you. we have a forum for relationships also.

i'm so sorry that you're going through this. i don't see an answer for you. i wish you were able to find a therapist to talk to. continue to post here. the more you post, the more feedback you will get. pat