I'm so sorry you're feeling so sad. You say that you aren't seeing a therapist at the moment. Are you seeing any other dr? You may need medicine to help you manage your depression. I see you have posted almost 5,000 times. How did you do that in such a short time!? So you've read all the information about therapy and medication. Is there any reason you aren't seeing a professional? If you are feeling like this it's REALLY important to see and talk to someone. If you feel like your bf can't carry you call the help lines in your community. There is help available and it really works. You just need to be perserverant and understand that finding the right treatment can take time. Don't give up when there is hope. Try not to push your bf away. Talk to him and try to help him understand what is happening to you and that it's not his fault. It may help help him help you.
Call someone now. Please.
Post here as often as you want and we'll try to give you support also.