I played with the toaster settings in reference to his complaints, but I’ve gone from overdone to still sort of crappily overdone, to underdone etc etc. I hit his toaster-sweet spot a few times, though it seems that the variable could be the toaster (which may need replacing) or the bread (stored in the freezer and home-made by his mom; recipe changes sometimes and may call for a different toaster setting) because he still had something bad to say despite leaving the settings the way they were. Now I only step in when he specifically asks for help :-\

He said that he doesn’t care. To him, it’s “common sense” that had to come into play - I “should have” been mindful enough to alert him since we were running on time.

I’m hoping that with enough patience it will get better. I hate feeling like I can’t openly talk to him about things anymore. He’ll snap at me for refusing to accept the way he shuts down to get away from the discussion - something that I would have been willing to tolerate, had he been willing to talk another time, but usually, to him, the things I want to talk about are either dumb or not important enough to bring up for discussion (more on this in another thread).

Foundations of the Past

He wasn’t always like this. At the onset of the relationship, he sat me down a few times and asked for feedback – he wanted to know which areas of his personality // the relationship I felt could use improving. I could be more romantic if that makes you happier? He was so sweet, so willing to improve and work on things. I didn’t want him to change. When I reminded him of that phase in our relationship, he told me that I was closed off then, which was why he felt the need to do a little prodding and investigating – this also involved going through my email/facebook whenever I wasn’t around… the tables turned a year later, but this post might become too long so I won’t get into that.

Eventually he entered the work-force to fill in for a friend on maternity leave, and it was around about that time that I became better acquainted with his other characteristics.

A lot of drama ensued – he was constantly tired, and never wanted to do anything. As usual, I was paying rent, purchasing most of the groceries, and cleaning up after him. He was trying to adjust to work life, was constantly tired, constantly wanted to hang around and do nothing, meaning he didn’t want to have to contribute to any chores at home.

Bedroom activity was at an all-time low, and I felt a distance growing between us. Admittedly I could have handled the situation better, but besides feeling like a maid (despite requests to be a bit tidier around the house), I was also tackling difficult things, going through a few changes in my life, and was under a lot of stress.
He didn’t - and apparently couldn’t – comprehend my situation, and to him, I was getting stressed out over nothing.


I guess having an earful on what could be improved is what initiated the barriers. He's the type of person that wants to do things at the beat of his own drum. Seems the more I expressed how the situation was affecting me, the more he resented me for not being understanding enough? I tried so hard, but I had my own problems, and my own limits. I panicked at the way we seemed to have drifted apart. All I wanted was to feel a bit of support from him, but instead of remedying the distance I spoke of, his solution was to push me further away.



He usually uses reminders for work. I'll see if I can encourage more use of them at home. I'll do the same :-\

Interestingly enough, his use of technology was/is one of the issues in our relationship. Back when he was adjusting to his new job, he lost track of time playing games on his new phone, and spent a lot of time on Facebook.


He even forgot to greet me on my birthday (I was away) despite greeting his ex on facebook days later. He had FB notifications to thank for that despite the fact that I posted a picture of myself on my birthday, and had a mass of greetings that would have popped up on his news feed. Then he added insult to injury by taking me to her delayed birthday party on the day we’d agreed to celebrate mine because he figured that the opportunity to catch up with mutual friends (he hadn’t seen since their breakup) didn’t come very often. The incident did hurt a little, but he had a fun-filled itinerary planned for the following day which was lovely...




Truth be told, I’d rather have my game-addicted boyfriend back instead of the one obsessively networking with girls on OkCupid… this is one of the “non-issue”s he has refused to resolve with me because there’s “nothing to be discussed”.
But I digress...that’s for another thread.


riotgrrrl, you asked for his good qualities, which happen to intertwine with what keeps me around:

It’s not consistent, but he’s randomly thoughtful and sweet. He knows how to make me smile. He thinks outside the box. He’s intelligent. Has a sense of humor. Artistic. He has the ability to maintain platonic friendships with the opposite sex. He’s an actual softie on the inside despite the indifferent, sarcastic front he puts up. He lets me pick movies even when he doesn’t really want to watch them. He’s fun to be around. He’ll travel distances if he thinks it’s worth it. He listens when you least expect it.
I love him. He helped me feel more comfortable about food and my body (been a recovered anorexic for years, but still struggled with nutrition and intake til I met him). He’s inspired me to improve my diet. I think we’ve inspired each other to improve in certain aspects of our personality as well, although he sort of resists change.

He gets my humor and accepts my quirks. We’re can be massive goofballs around each other. In the beginning, he was there when I needed someone to talk to, and he didn’t judge. We complement each other in a lot of areas.

And finally, I believed in this relationship and I'm willing to put in the effort to make it work. I've done too much to give it up now, though I am painfully aware that giving has its limitations, and that it takes 2 to tango...