Hondadohc27-

You've expressed lots of your thoughts but we haven’t heard about your intentions of what you would like to happen between you and your wife and this other person that you've grown closer to outside the marriage. What do you mean that you and your wife have "grown into a groove"? Would that be a bad thing or not?

If the situation is that you want to work out the marriage then I would suggest that you and your wife would need to find some intimate time in talking to one another and consider marriage consoling. Do you think that you and wife have been a couple of "married singles"? Do you think that this marriage will become a hopeless cause that divorce could be considered? With a 10 year marriage both of you should deserve to work out to the fullest to find out if this marriage could be preserve and after such effort then you and your wife could walk away from the marriage knowing that the best effort have been invested.

If the situation is that you want to divorce and develop an open relationship with the sister then you need to consider all that will come with such situation. First ask yourself why you have become emotionally and physically drawn to this person. Could you answer to yourself if this is love or lust? I heard an advice of are the differences between love and lust and maybe this could help. Love is something that you use your own body and mind to please another but lust is when you use the other person to please yourself. You must think about the ppl (ex-wife, in-laws, friends, relatives, kids) that will be involved once you openly pursue a relationship with this sister. Do you think the relationship between you and the sister are mature and strong enough to deal with such things? Would this situation be a healthy one in the long run, with the baggage that will obviously be brought along?

Think these questions over and let us know what came to your mind. Trust me when I say that I'm not here to judge your circumstances. I and all of us here are to help you and everyone else to make our circumstances as comfortable as possible.