I have never had many friends in my life and there was a time there when that didn't bother me in the slightest. Now, however, I wish to be close to others, to have a great friendship, as most others are capable of.

The good news is, I've found a really great friend. And when I say great, I mean great. She knows most of my issues, my anxiety, and she's been a brilliant support for me, even though I probably don't deserve it.

That bad news, however, is the fact that I've never had this before and I have no idea what I'm doing. I've told her this before and she understands, which is brilliant, but that doesn't change how I feel. I get nervous when she doesn't reply to my messages even though I understand that she's a busy person. I worry about everything I say to her, and worst of all, I can't seem to believe the fact that this will last. In the past I've never had a friendship last more than six months. I'm the person people get sick of, that they replace. I understand that and I understand that I'm most likely too messed up to even have a have a friendship but despite that I have one. And I don't want to screw it up, I want it to last, even if a part of me wants to push her away to save myself from what I feel is the inevitable - her hating me and cutting all contact, even though she's said before she's not going anywhere. I just can't believe her words.

What's wrong with me, and more importantly, how can I stop this...anxiety from ruining everything?