(((messedinthehead))),

It sounds like you are a fairly young mother with children, a husband that is busy providing and you have not really had a way to share your personal challenges with someone on a consistent basis. Somehow you met this guy who also just needs to have someone to share "his" challenges with too. And you had a way of filling that "lonely need" to be able to just vent and share your personal worries with. A lot of people struggle that way, and sometimes search the net for some kind of connection, some one somewhere that will actually "listen" and help them "problem solve" or even just give them a kind of "parental" comfort and assurance too. A "parental" kind of comfort doesn't really come from a husband, and maybe not even a wife either so we often look outside our marriage relationship for this support. So many people "hunt for that" parental kind of "comfort and permission to be ok with life and keep thriving". It's not just "you" that wants this either, it is a very "human need". It doesn't even matter if someone works within the mental health field or not, they can be good at handing it out all day long, however the reality is, they also need it themselves too. It is very common for T's to have T's you know.

This friend that needed to distance from you? He is not really "rejecting" you, however, your consistent "need" got to be too much for him.

I have a couple of friends that I have made here at PC. I spent a lot of time with a male friend here too, and there are times where he doesn't PM me back. But, he too has challenges and I know it isn't because he doesn't "care" about me, he's just busy with "his" life challenges, that's all. He is married, and I am married and it is not any kind of romance, just friends that share and support each other. When I don't hear from him, I know he is busy with his family and he knows that about me too. I don't expect him to "fix" my problems either. He is not a therapist either, and neither am I.

I have made several friends during my time here at PC, but there is no way I can keep up with all of them every day, I have too many challenges of my own and I honestly do struggle sometimes and I can get very caught up in that and even at times become very "self absorbed". That doesn't mean I "don't care" about others or are "rejecting them" either. I just honestly can't spend all my time tending to others, I have to work on my own issues and I do have a business and my own challenges IRL.

You interacted with this person almost "every day" it sounds like right? Well, that is a lot for another person to consistently tend to, it really is. If someone needs a time out from that, it doesn't mean "rejection" you know, all it means is that they can't keep devoting so much "time" to it. And I am sure that is "why" he suggested this site to you, so you could have "more than just him to support you", that is not "rejection".

Hun, you need to understand that you can't demand "other people" to be there for you "everyday" like that, and it doesn't mean you are "unworthy" either. Even a therapist may see a patient a few times a week if that patient is really struggling for a while but their goal is to get their patient to slowly be able to manage their life with less and less therapy time to going once a week.

I understand that you may feel "leary" of therapy because you work in the mental health field, however you "can" find a private therapist that you can develop a good relationship with outside of that, therapists are good at being confidential, and it really is not unusual for a T to even have their "own T", after all we are all "only human" and it is so normal to need someone to listen, no man is truly an island.

I can see where you turn to dancing and an outlet, however that is not the same has having a consistent source of psychological support, having someone to listen and help us problem solve.

I have found a really nice T myself and we often just talk as friends too. My T went through some big challenges in his life too, stopped practicing and just worked on himself and that made him a much better therapist too. The idea that a T doesn't have their own challenges and needs is not being realistic, because they do and lets face it, listening to people who are challenged every day is draining and sure to get anyone to a point where they just need to vent too. We don't have to suffer from some kind of major disorder to see a T either, life itself is a major disorder right? It is always good to find a T that is older though, someone who has been where we are and can help us get past where we are in life, because there really are stages we all go through and genuinely struggle you know.

As far as people we connect with in our lives coming and going in and out our lives, that isn't "rejection" when they choose to spend "less time" with us either. A lot of that is simply because people might just like to mingle with different people along the way as they grow and try different directions in their lives. Then often down the road people reconnect and can share more of what they have learned from venturing into different social situations.

Being a "young mother" is very time consuming and it really is "normal" to be lonely because you are tending so much to children, house, school, and having time with your husband too. It is common for a woman in this part of her life to push her "own needs" aside and then struggle like you are too. This is the time where you must schedule in time for yourself though, and only "you" can do that for yourself too. However, when you do that, you also show your children the importance of "self care" and that when we "self care" we can actually spend more "quality" time with our families verses feeling lonely and unsupported somehow.

So please, stop this "self punishing" and "starving yourself of good nutrition and not sleeping and spiraling down into some pit of "no one likes me or cares or listens", you need to "reach out for that" and not be embarrassed about needing that, because that is a common need, and nothing to be embarrassed about or that it means you are somehow disordered either.

The other thing many mothers do is get involved with their children's activities more, becoming a girl scout leader and believe it or not, there are wonderful courses in that area where mothers can learn so many good life skills that help them in so many areas of their lives. My older sister did that and she struggled with social anxiety and those courses really helped her a lot with that challenge. A mother doesn't have to become some kind of "waitress" you know, there are really "good things" to become involved in where a parent can learn so much and grow more as a person too. Not only that but being a parent is not really something we "just do" we all actually have to take time and connect with that part of society and get involved so we can actually learn how to be a better parent too. As we do that, we can bring so much of what we learn to our families, more then is imagined. Also as parents take time to do this, they will meet others people that can help to fill a void in them too.

OE