Codependence is a demon!!! I've lost my husband and what were what I thought were best friends ever due to my codependence. I think people with a good heart are more prone to codependence than others. Honey, don't think of yourself a *****; I think that is just the way that those of us who have really been burned, it is part of being bipolar. From experience, what you are doing is the same thing as some going on spending sprees; but of course, that doesn't seem as bad. I have been on both ends of the spectrum, and I think it is just part of this demon we have to continuously fight. Just please be careful. Hopefully, someday we can be able to trust and get close. I am in some kind of relationship now, where I do live with this guy, but mostly just as buddies; however, there is sex involved somewhat. This is probabl not a healthy situation, but at least I am able to laugh and have a good time, but most important, like you, don't have to be alone. Luckily, he understands where I am coming from and luckily he is not looking for a commitment or anything, but then again sometimes I feel like I let my guard down and could be getting too close. It scares the hell out of my and I talk myself back down. Dealing with codependence and other issues of BP is a beast, but someday we will get a grasp on it.