i understand the need to not to want to take meds. i resent them everyday. BUT i take them because i dont want to be on that rollercoaster and i know there is no way i will ever stay at the top. seeing posts like yours reminds me why i take my meds every day. i will never be stable without them. i hate them, but with them i can live a somewhat normal life. is this the case for you? do you need to see your pdoc and get back on meds? i hope you can find the peace you are looking for.