there are some situations in my life, a romantic relationship is not working, unknown situation about working status... but nothing really major(compare to what I had been through).

unfortunately I think they trigger some complex and strong emotions swings, I got so furious suddenly that I don't care to hurt myself or really want to yell at people, and then feeling the need to be rational at next, or very depressed I start to cry regardless the situations and places and then furious comes back.... (the situation doesn't change, nothing new happened but my mood swings all the time) I tried very hard to keep it under control but these couple of weekes I really feel like I'm on the verge of breaking down, that I'll lose it completely. ( I used to have major depression and had suicidal thoughts, so I'm afraid if I lose it, it'd be something extreme)

Basically I know the root is because I have been physically/mentally abused through my childhood. I feel no one is going to really love me, they just want something from me, no matter how good, how nice, how smart or how pretty I am, it doesn't matter. Therefore I always got attracted to guys who's self-centered and emotional unavailable/distance, and trying to prove that I can fix what I've been through as a child, and keep failing of course.

I don't know how to handle mood swings caused from defeated/hopeless/failing feelings. That exhausted me and I feel like I couldn't hold it for too long anymore.

Most of my close friends are younger than me and are generally with happy and simple personality, so that it's very hard for them to understand or providing any supports or advises.

Please help. Thank you.