My sister is visiting from Brooklyn....we were talking about a night when I was beat up by 4 men over a lie that was told to them by someone....I had done nothing wrong....after 4 days I went home....my dad said he heard I got beat up,"good,I Deserved it.....". I had done nothing wrong,abused by a drunk older brother after my mom passed when I was 10.....I used to find ways to hurt myself for 2 reasons,to stop feeling the emotional torment inside and I felt I deserved it......for 20 years no one knew for I would clean the wounds myself and covered them....until I had to live in a halfway house for 3 years....without alcohol I couldn't deal with all these emotions....I was desperate to stop feeling them I stuck a pair of scissors in my arm......it sounds weird to a lot of people how cutting my ARM,putting cigarettes out on my ARM and thighs and thr scissors was an act of desperation for I had no straight blades,people don't understand how it stops the emotional pain when I see a physical wound I feel I deserve .......it was then people started finding out about my cutting,and why....I didn't want anyone to know......last month I cut and burned myself many times.....I realized I needed to get help because in 2002 it led to a suicide attempt in which I nearly suceeded......the closest I had gotten.......why was I spared? All I can say is that its a tough battle.....I got a lot of help and support from PC who understand and called crisis line to get extra help......all I can say is thanks for letting me share this I read what You wrote and could relate and understand.......don't give up on yourself.....we deserve to be good to ourselves.......ok....