I can follow your logic there, but it is faulty. You can't legitimately blame yourself for your aunt's death. That is not something that you had control over. Wishing for your abuser to suffer makes sense, and I would never think any less of you for it, but if you can find a way to let go of those feelings and stop poisoning yourself with them, you would be happier and better off. No, it's not easy. Do it for you, not for him. You deserve to be able to move on and stop feeling bad about things related to something that happened to you when you were young, that you couldn't control. You can't change the past, but you can start now and make a better future.

I'm sorry about your aunt, and I'm sending good thoughts to comfort you and help you get through the days to come.

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>