This sounds dumb. But I have no one to call. I have been trying for two days to talk to my best friend. I cant do it. I feel guilty every time I talk. Every word i think of sounds like self pity. I have written so many txt mssgs only to delete them. Everything is fine. I've got a great job, a new house. A family that I know loves me. THAT is the guilt. THAT is what has kept me going. That is why I cant just... I cant do this anymore. I have nothing left. No energy to face tomorrow. I have started thinking about what my week was supposed to be. I don't plan on making it to my ball game, or my soccer game. Or that stupid eye appt. I wish I could tell my best friend this. I do. But how can I keep repeating the same problems to her. Over and over again. Im sure she is sick of hearing about it. Im sure you guys dont wanna hear it either. No one does. Its pitiful. And its hopeless. I have no will. No desire to change. And thats the kicker. No one can change me but me. And I just dont care enough to, so whats the point. Each down I feel a little emptier. Every down I question my life. This down I am testing it. Taking one step closer to the edge. How many more downs do I have to go through before I jump. I want to just jump.