I don't know if anyone has experienced this before but that terrible sadness that starts in the chest, immediately makes you cry, and spreads. It's like a tangible emotional pain. What is that? I've never understood it but god, does it hurt.

I realized today that I haven't seen anyone outside of my job for almost 2 months. I haven't went anywhere or done anything. I've gone to work, came home and did something but I've been wasting a lot of time just staring at the ceiling. I just find myself laying on the bed, staring and I did this for 2 hours tonight without even realizing it. Then I fell asleep for 2 hours and feel like a total waste.

I have 2 friends. One is in Michigan for the summer and the other one, well, she has been like my sister for 10 years but something has changed and I feel like I should cut her out of my life but it's way more complicated then that, as I've had feelings for her and we've messed around. That's part of the reason I feel like I have to cut her out. I am in a relationship and I'm engaged to be married but I'm crazy about her, I always have been and it's poisoning me. Not her fault, my own.

I have no idea what to do. I have never told that to anyone. Weird what you can share on the internet.