Hie x
I'm 18 year old and brown skinned girl
I don't know whether this is depression or not, I have been through things that I never want to go through again, from the age of 14-17, I want internet groomed by a man that was 8 years older than I was, I feel so stupid, it took until the age of 18 to realize that I was bee taken advantage off, I believe he loved and care for me.
He would use sexual word towards me, getting silent enough not to tell anyone that I was talking to him, taking a picture of my breast to make him happy and I feel so Ashamed , this made me feel embarrassed and until now I dont think I am able to forgive myself, even though I was young, I question why I trusted this complete stranger
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I started moving along trying to get over this internet man; heading to college, year one of college, this guy claimed he wanted to friend with benefits, I thought I try it because this guy might like me but I did not give myself up to him, then he fiercely said, "don't talk to me", this made me feel so much worse I felt like I hurt him, I felt like a terrible person
Year two, he then wants to be 'friends with benefits', I wanted to impress the same guy but I still could not do it then he said, "dont ever talk to me" and told me to "just **** off", This words made my heart sink because I like this guy, ever since he said this other emotions started coming to me. sad, helpless, worthless and stupid, I felt like killing myself but its not just because of those guys, I starting to get suicidal thoughts where roams around my head, I am losing interest in things that I enjoy.
I feel sleepy, and like I just want to stay in bed and not look after myself, sometimes I don't think, I deserve the good things in my life because I feel like I should be punished for the bad things I have done because I don't feel worth, I find its hard to forgive myself but I can easily forgive, I always think I am a bad person , and I don't want to hurt peoples feeling but if I do I cut myself and apologies endlessly until they forgive me.
Please Help Me, Though I don't know how
:crying: :crying: