I caved... talked to my best friend. She was pissed at me. For good reason. I understand. Just wish I didnt feel so ****** all the time. I promised her a long time ago that I would never act on my thoughts. That they were just thoughts. Man the guilt is a bit overwhelming right now. But its what keeps me going. I cant believe I made her so upset. Its one of those WTF was I thinking moments. I am in a bad spot. I know that. Nothing will change how I look at life. But its not fair to ruin it for anyone else. Back to going through the motions for now. I feel really guilty. I am guilty. Guilty of ruining someone elses day.