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Yellowfrog, can you talk to your husband about how his negative attitude affects you? It's tough to stay positive when surrounded by negativity. Good for you for pointing out you needed some space to cool off when he followed you onto the balcony.
As for your daughter and the chips, she needs to have some consequence for what she did. I like the idea of making her pay for a new bag of chips. You could also enforce a "no snacks" consequence for a week.
On the flip side of all of this, I'm wondering if there is any history of physical violence in the house? I used to be scared out of my wits when hubby started slamming things around because it often escalated.
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