I was nearly 35 when I met my husband and nearly 40 when we married. He has three sons, one of whom was 6-8 when we starting living together. There was joint custody so his son came over whenever my husband and his ex-wife decided.

Dating my husband I paid extreme attention to how he treated the women in his life; his mother, ex-wife, my mother, me, etc. I also paid attention to his relationship with his sons and how they interacted, how I interacted with them and they with me, etc.

What you have "now" is probably going to continue if you choose to get closer to this man. It does not sound like he has a good relationship with his ex-wife nor does it sound like he has had much experience or put much thought and care into raising his children. That he has to be told he is in your space and it is your house and yet he brushes that aside, I do not see how that can change in the future?

My husband was still living with his wife when we started to date; he told his wife he was going out with me/that night we first went out. He did not lie, cheat, or deceive her at any time and still does not (she'll be over this weekend as will the 3 sons and wives, girlfriends, grandchildren, etc. for a party Saturday). She trusted him and called him when she had any kind of problem, even when she should not have called him (when she saw her lawyer after he "forced" her to see one for the divorce, she called him to tell him what her lawyer had said!) and that is true to this time! He has never betrayed her trust.

When my youngest stepson came over to spend the night, I worked hard to make space for the two of them to interact. THEY went off together to do father/son things not involving me. However, his son and I also did things together (my husband's ex- and I still laugh about the time son and I caught a zillion baby frogs in the front yard and I rigged up a large container with screening on top and he took it home; not necessarily something you want your 6 year old bringing home? :-) and he had been taught to obey adults and mind what they had to say and never tried the "You're not the boss of me, my daddy said" thing where it was backed up by his father. If I had a problem with the son I did not know how to solve, I would discuss it with my husband (boyfriend initially for 5 years) and we would decide together. That is what I wanted marriage to be like for me and that's partly why I married him, I felt he was good marriage material.

If I were in your shoes, I would have to have a talk with him and if he could not understand and agree that I am in charge in my own space and that his children (and he) need to agree with my rules in my house and that he needs to back me up when his children balk, I would have to think seriously about having the children at my home at all. When he had the children, I would have to have he and they stay somewhere else.

If he does not seem to be able to "share" with you, for whatever reason, I would think long and hard about marrying him. If he treats your space like it is his, how can it get better when he buys a house for the two of you? It will be "his" house and he will act as he pleases rather than consider you and your input. A marriage, for me, is about sharing and I don't see your guy doing any of that?