Hey Altinak.
I have been a bit mixed about the whole manipulation thing, but I have to agree that yes, borderlines are manipulative. The problem with the word 'manipulation' is that I find it to define someone who intentionally plans something and acts it out in a dishonest way.

So to your first question, I am definitely convinced that the manipulation you might experience is not intentional but rather a really desperate way for the borderline to gain someone's attention or approval and just don't have the skills to do it in an unobtrusive manner.

I think that borderlines 'manipulate' because of a very huge lack of sense of self, yes. I know that when I acted out of line I did it because I was desperate not to lose that person and I was desperate for a reaction. I didn't feel solid or stable inside and would easily panic. I also believe I said a lot of things that were rather 'delusional' just to keep that person in check and have control over them so I could feel safe. I just think people with borderline tend to do everything they can to find stability, which just isn't working because of our trust issues.

Hope that helped any.