"need to end my life" -- try not to jump to that conclusion. The truth is you need an end to the overwhelming sense of loss, feelings of abandonment and rejection that have spun you out of control, emotionally.

It is alright to mourn the loss of a relationship, of someone you care about, regardless of the reasons it happened. It is normal and to an extent everyone that has had a break up goes through this, it's just probably more intense than others may go through it.

There is light on the other side. Truth be told, I've been right where you are on more than one ocassion. The most recent not being the loss so much of someone that I should have hung onto (thankfully) but someone I was intertwined with and attached to for 13+ years. So not so long ago I went through exactly what you're thinking and feeling, and that, for awhile tbh. Many people here, have helped. I've chatted and posted to the forums (as you can see) a lot over the past year+ and it's helped to find support in others.

Hind sight, I am grateful and offer this to you - one of the best things that happened to me, was to become single again, whether temporarily or not I cannot say but I've learned a lot, grown a lot and changed for the better during my independence. I know right now you cannot see this. I understand that but I promise you, hanging in there, if only by a thread, will, in the end be worth it.

Challenges, pain and tribulations in our lives builds us up, builds our character and maturity -- unfortunately in the midst of it, it is hard to believe that. Just trust me on this, it will be worth it.

My heart goes out to you.
~S4