When she said "are you just swimming in it?" She meant it as if I want to stay without getting helped or helping myself... I assume she asked me so I would think about it. I know I don't want to be depressed but I sure as hell don't know a way out, hints why I'm in therapy, and I sure as hell hope I am not choosing to stay this way. Why would I? other than it is familiar to me and easier but I want to change, and I want to not be depressed!