Lots of bad emotions going on here now. Hope you're all able to hang in there!

I need to vent, have to get this out, but if it ends up very long, please don't feel like you have to read this. I'm just venting.

The last 4 days I've been cycling every day. I'm pretty sure I've been slightly mixed the whole time though, and think that's why it's been cycling so rapidly. I was euphoric hypo, very depressed, euphoric hypo and then very depressed again today. I feel hopeless. I think I'm too sick to be able to function well in any academic or work-related area (even just walking the dog inevitably makes me suicidal if I'm not clearly hypo, because it induces so much stress for me). But I'm also not sick enough for people around me to actually believe that it's too difficult for me. My friends compare my depressions to their "depressions", and they try to find other explanations for my hypomanic behavior. My previous T and pdoc also refused to believe me until they had to when I finally showed up in hypomania, and they insisted my depressions were dysthymia until I made them test me (scored near the upper limit). People think my depression is feeling a bit down and my hypomania is feeling a bit up, but they couldn't be more wrong. And it hurts me to have to deal with this every day, and it's very confusing. I feel lost, exhausted, and that big neon exit sign is constantly tempting me.