Quote:
Originally Posted by MdngtRain
I'm not even all that depressed, but I have no desire to have sex, and I am anxious about the thought of it... I'm not on any meds, so it's not that... I just... I don;t know. And my wife is all about it these days (especially since it's something we are working on in marriage counseling). I cringe at the thought right now, and I don't want her to touch me. I'm just not there right now. I think it's a combination of very present memories of some csa, and trying to tackling it in my own individual therapy, and really not feeling comfortable in my own skin, but I hate saying no all the time... It's freaking me out to the point of wanting to cry right now, because she is so into it, and I just want my space...
Maybe I'll just drink some. It has a history of making me more loose and actually advance for a change... 
(how eerie is it that she texts me asking if I'm afraid to go to the bedroom because she is so horny right now as I hit "send" on this post...?) |
I do not think that you lost your sex drive. I know what it feels to have no sex drive, and what you are reporting is not that for sure. You are being haunted by the memories of CSA. Your wife and the marriage counselor need to know that you are being haunted by the memories of your CSA, for two reasons:
- the wife needs to know so that she does not feel rejected as a person
- the marriage counselor needs to know in order to shift focus onto something else while you and your individual T work through the issue.
Loss of sex drive feels like a complete vacuum, a total blah, zilch. It does not feel like an
active resistance to touch, etc., that you are reporting.