Ok, so my husband was doing fairly well on Strattera, and had finally faced his demons and went back to school this term (at age 32). He was finally finishing his degree, after years and years of trying and failing because always, toward the end of the term, he would get overwhelmed, flounder, not ask for help, and then just stop going to classes. It's quite predicatble, actually.

But this year was supposed to be different! His depression is (was?) under control; we have a terrific T who we both see every week; he has a great ADD coach who understands him; and he was doing pretty well on Strattera -- not perfect, but better than without.

Our T and his pdoc had recommended that he give Ritalin a try, to bridge the gap between "pretty well" and "completely functional". The ADD coach was ok with the idea, but wanted to wait until he was between terms. I kind of agreed with her, but due to his pdoc retiring, he decided to give it a shot now (before the pdoc retires) in case med changes were necessary.

I had to go on a business trip two days after he started on the ritalin. The night before I left, he was up until 5am, and had to get up at 7am to leave for school. I don't know what he was doing, but he had dragged electronic equipment up from the basement and it was all over the living room. Red flags went up, but he said it was for a school project, and I'm supposed to take his words at face value and leave the analysis to our T and the ADD coach so...

... so I left for my trip. And sadly, he got behind in his schoolwork and instead of asking for help (from his classmates, his instructors, me, our T, his ADD coach...) as he's been instructed to do, he got depressed and stopped going to classes. Again. He didn't take much of the ritalin because he said it made him clench his teeth, so instead of calling his pdoc about it, he just didn't take it

I knew that something was wrong by the tone on his voice and his defensiveness when I tried to call him while out of town. He wouldn't tell me how his day was, and practically hung up on me when I asked him if he had gotten ahold of his ADD coach to reschedule with her (because I got an email from her that he hadn't shown up). But from out of town, there was NOTHING I could do about it.

So when he picked me up from the airport, it was clear. He had "the smell". It's weird - his body chemistry or something changes when depression takes hold - I can smell it on him every time. And when I got home, the smell was overpowering. He was anxious and agitated when we got home, very angry and defensive, and I really wanted to just crawl into a hole and die. NOT AGAIN, I wanted to scream NOT AGAIN AND NOT NOW.

He ended up sobbing in my arms until we fell asleep, then he got up in the middle of the night and has been doing homework ever since.

I don't know what to do. I really am not sure how much more of this I can take. I have nothing left to explain to my parents, and I've spent years now supporting him financially while unemployed or underemployed, and this school is crazy expensive. This WAS Plan Z... we have no contingency plans left. He can't get it together, it seems. I KNOW that it isn't his fault, but what am I supposed to do in the meantime?

He NEEDS to:
- stay on his meds
- learn to recognize when he's starting to slip
- ask for help EARLY
- take responsibility for his responsibilities
- manage his defensiveness and anger when he's feeling bad

Am I asking too much? What do I do about myself? I only have so much patience and maturity left

Sorry if this is in the wrong forum. I don't know if it should be in ADD, Depression, Relationships, or Caregivers. Or Insanity.