I'm beginning to hate the word "potential". People always tell me that I have a lot of "potential" as a person, as a musician, as everything. "You have such great potential to be a great musician". "You have potential to be an attractive woman once you fix your weight and clothing". "You have potential to be a great girlfriend that guys would want". That's great. I've had potential for 20 years now. When do I actually get to be good? Is there some point that your potential actually becomes something or is your potential something that is never realized until you're lying on your death bed and looking back on your life?

And what about my potential to be in the exact same place 20 years from now? No one ever talks about that kind of potential. Sure, I have potential to be a successful human being, but I also have potential to die alone on the streets in two years. I also have potential to walk out of my house tomorrow morning and get hit by a car and die and my funeral, everyone would say "oh she had such great potential". Wow so sad that I'm dead. I could have amounted to something but never did wow what a waste of my life.

Maybe I'm being overly cynical or just excessively impatient, but it's so frustrating watching and listening to your friends talk about their relationships/exes, talking to people who don't know you very well and they make some sort of covert statement about how I'd know how relationships are, or your older friends talk about getting engaged when you're convinced you'll probably be at least 25 before having your first kiss. It's like I've been on this earth for two decades and not a single person has found me at all desirable even when they're drunk.