Quote:
Originally Posted by LostButFound
He IS trying to cancel it out- going so far as to allege that our son wasnt planned. That's not true and I was furious with him over that - but only saw it as his attempts to make his new wife feel better ( she did trap him with a surprise pregnancy that wasnt supposed to happen ). When she told me that our son wasnt planned, I was alternately hurt he would lie that way, and angry that the lies were furthered by her. Of course, I dug up old chat messages between us (we used to IM during work) and immediately forwarded them. You would have thought I started world war 3. I told him I didn't appreciate him attempting to rewrite history.
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Good for you for keeping electronic records!!
Good for you that you set the record straight and were assertive enough to tell him that you did not appreciate his history rewriting attempts.
Good for you that you did it right away, without letting hurtful feelings well up inside you!
I just want to point out that no, she was not "furthering his lies", in that she clearly was not aware that they were lies. I think this is what must have happened:
1) she trapped him with a surprise pregnancy
2) she did not feel particularly happy or proud of herself having trapped him with a surprise pregnancy, because she would have preferred him to give her the biggest diamond ring on earth on his own volition and initiative, and without having been "strongly encouraged" or, let us say, "gently prompted" to marry her
3) she felt that you are superior to her in that he married YOU without your "strongly encouraging", or, alternatively put, "gently prompting" him to marry you
4) he realized that all of the above was happening
5) he told her the lies so that she would feel better herself; the lies could not have helped remove (1) and (2) above, but he intended to remove (3) above
6) he accomplished his goals and she started feeling better about herself
7) despite (6), she was not satisfied enough and wanted to feel yet better and better about herself
8) she then told you what was, in her mind, the truth, in an effort to put the two of you on an equal footing, so that she could finally stop feeling so crappy because you are superior to her - (3) above. In her mind, it was not enough for HER to know that you trapped him too (per his lies which she thought to be the truth); she needed YOU to KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS, to make double-sure that you are not superior to her.
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That is quite a lot when written down; in reality, I think those were thoughts that crossed their minds for short periods of time. But I am pretty sure that those thoughts DID cross their minds
.
In other words,
she was not trying to further his lies - she was trying to assert her non-inferiority to you. That is what she was trying to do.