I have been there. I really understand. Call your Dr. & I know that will be very hard the way you feel. It can get better. I tell my son all the time - it will get better. You MUST find something to look forward to & I know how hard that is. I used to be anorexic - long boring story, but I got better. You will find the right medication, you just have to make the call. Please tell someone. Don't give up. Guilt is terrible, but you have to know you are a good person & all your children want is you. Please think about that. Call someone! I am praying for you. CARE. It will get better. No drinking is good.
Quote:
Originally Posted by H0P3L3SS_1
... Call for desperate measures.
This may sound effed up. I really just dont care. I am on day two with no drinking and no eating. I am checking to see if I have any survival instincts at all. It should kick in. If not, then I know I am beyond repair. I dont want to go through this anymore. Im so done riding out every down. I need a reason. Something besides guilt to keep me going through the motions. Everyones got a survival instinct right. How bad do I wanna live is the question. Maybe if this works I will force myself to believe that I want to live. And if I don't. Well maybe my 10 year wish will have been granted. I just wanna know. I wanna feel some will to go on. Ive been surviving on guilt. "I couldnt put my family through that." <--- Thats whats been getting me through. Day to day everyday. Call me selfish, but that sucks. Its the only thing holding me back. I want a reason. I need a reason. Something inside that I can build on. Im so miserable all the time. Even in the ups I am just waiting for the next down. This stupid roller coaster from hell that I cant get off of. Im tired. Tired of trying. I need to know if there is any part of me, some subconscious part of me that wants to go on. Any sort of drive. I feel nothing. I feel empty. Just so tired.
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