i see, from my view, that you're a very sensitive man and you've spent eons thinking this through. i live in Texas and i know how hard it is to find mental health facilities here. the waiting lists are very long and the system seems to be in a lot of trouble.

BUT, if you have a church anywhere near you, ministers do counseling and they are bound by confidentially ethics. please see if you can find one in a small town nearby and make an appointment to talk to someone.

one of the best counselors that i've ever had was an Episcopal priest. and it was a family matter, such as yours. he helped me get through a horrible time in my life. it was free and i could see him often. please consider this.

i really do feel your pain. and i know that sounds like a cliche, but i can tell that this is really involving your moral fiber and you are very conflicted about what to do.

a lot of good points have been brought up and i can't add to those. so, i'm just going to try to help you find someone IRL to talk to.

xoxoxo pat p.s. i live in a very small town also and everyone here knows everyone else's business.........try to find a minister at least 30/30 miles from you......it will be worth it...i promise. if you don't like the first one, try another one..........