Why would it matter if your son, together, was planned or unplanned?!
I can relate to the being trapped by pregnancy. My stepmom, the whole talk was she 'couldn't' get pregnant, that's what the doctors supposedly said. My aunt said, my dad, had one foot out the door. Surprise!! And yeah, he and I were living with her and her two children, even before they married. It's going on 23 years, they've been married, in one week. They eloped in Vegas, while on a cross country trip.
OK, flash forward to January, she was pregnant, and there was no way, after the baby was born, was she going to see that, even in a car pool, 'they' were going to see me off to school, and after school sports activities, I was one town over for private parochial school.
One little mistake, and I was Kicked out!! Then the war of words became worse and worse. And at 19, I decided, enough was enough and told my father I didn't want to hear from him, anymore, because of how he was treating me.
So your ex, is the type of guy, who would willingly toss his son aside, for his new 'family'. In court, the judge told my father, during the child support wars, Go take a good look at your daughter out there, congratulate that child and remember this...Your obligation is to your First Born, not this new family, and if he saw him in court again, he wouldn't like it!!
The life created first matters!!
So, um...you really want this man back?!
What about your new husband?! Are you saying you don't love him?! Are you being fair to yourself, your new husband or you son?! Right now?!
I agree, it's best to work through what brings you to this thought process with a good therapist.
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Originally Posted by LostButFound
Wow Hamster.... Light bulb moment! Thank you for that. I've been trying to figure out why I am reacting so poorly to all this... And I think you hit the nail on the head. He IS trying to cancel it out- going so far as to allege that our son wasnt planned. That's not true and I was furious with him over that - but only saw it as his attempts to make his new wife feel better ( she did trap him with a surprise pregnancy that wasnt supposed to happen ). When she told me that our son wasnt planned, I was alternately hurt he would lie that way, and angry that the lies were furthered by her. Of course, I dug up old chat messages between us (we used to IM during work) and immediately forwarded them. You would have thought I started world war 3. I told him I didn't appreciate him attempting to rewrite history. So yes, that must be what's eating me - because we are no longer together, he's "killing" me in his mind... And our son, by proxy. He was furious when I told him I wouldn't be allowing my husband to adopt our son. He's even angrier that I haven't changed my last name... Though he knew in the divorce I was keeping it. As of today, we are still being kind to one another. I wonder if that will change when the box arrives.
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