Just a thought for you: You're right that your friendship will never be the same. Have you considered that it could possibly end up a stronger friendship?

True, you can't take back what you said to your friend... but when you're calmed down enough (as in, after you've spoken to a doc and are actually back to your normal) you can always re-explain it and the mental state that you were in - and you explain how it is and isn't similar to other states that you're in sometimes.

Keep re-reading to yourself the places in this thread where you've said that she wants to help. That's the key thing in all your messages: your friend wants to help. This shows that she cares! She isn't abandoning you, but she is feeling overwhelmed. You're feeling overwhelmed by opening up to her too! It's a really scary thing to process, but you've had a lot more time to process it than she has - and unless she knows other people who go through similar... then she has a LOOOOOT to process and probably feels terrified that she's going to fail you as a friend.

Do you think you could find a website that has support for the friends/family of people with mental illness? If you find one that you like... you could try giving her the link to look at. It might help her, and it would be showing her that you're aware that it's a hard thing to process for her - because she needs time and understanding just like you do!

I hope some of what I say helps give you ideas at least... I'm glad to hear that you're sounding a lot more calm!