I don't care what sex one is; one is using the other person if they enter the relationship, especially sexually, with the intention of "distancing" or getting out when it's rough for one, etc. It's not a recreational sport, it's a dialog between TWO people and doing only what is right for one's self, disregarding/not listening to the other's feelings on the matter is using the person for one's own benefits. One cannot, no matter what one does, how one does it, "control" another person; their reactions, backgrounds, how they respond to us, etc. And if one gets into a "pattern" of behavior, it's not something that can be easily changed later. Turning yourself off now will make it very difficult to change later. We're not equipped with a "switch" that we can flip when the mood suits. "Free" behavior is just the other side of codependent behavior, the other end of the spectrum, not a healing activity.