I have been with my therapist for a little over 3 years now. She is still one of the most important people in my life. I can't get by without her. I need her. I don't want to need her, but I do.

I know that at some point, this need will subside. Or will it? I am worried that I have an unhealthy attachment or dependency on her. I know I have been over this before (lots of times) and this may not be anything new to some of you who know me, but it has me worried.

I don't want to depend on her like I do. I don't want to need her like I do. She keeps telling me that we will continue therapy until we both feel that it is time to end it, or at least cut back on the frequency of visits. Right now I see her weekly and have for the past two years.

Sometimes I wonder if this is an attraction and not a real need. How can you tell the difference? I often find myself staring at her (when she is not looking) just to make sure I get a good picture of her in my mind to keep me going from week to week. Its like I want to make sure that she is 'real'. That sounds ridiculous, but its really what goes through my mind. I guess I am thinking she will disappear or something and I won't be able to remember what she looks like.

Yes, I have a pic of her, but its not the same as having the 'mental image'. A current image. Sounds rather silly and I know its not 'normal', but then again, there are many things about me that I don't think are normal!

There is NO WAY I would ever tell her this. I just want to make sure that I am not 'in love' or 'in attraction' or 'in lust' of her. This is so confusing!