<---THIS

Phreak-- i agree fully. A few things i consider though:
Emotionally he has stopped being there for me for about 4 years. He gets angry with me for my tendencies to emotionally over react. As a result i began pulling away from him some time ago. We have some great conversations about spirituality, life, world issues... in many ways he is like my best friend. My best friend whom i am not intimate with. I have felt lonely and detached for awhile. Being detached was the only way i felt i could deal with his lack of availability. And the sub/dom puts such an ease on my desire for emotional regulation.
Also, the person i am involved with is married and is very good to his wife which i respect, i would have a hard time submitting to a man that did not put his wife as #1. Ground rule is rl comes first. Always. His wife knows that he is a Dom, she is Vanilla and lets it be. I don't want to be His f/t. We life in different countries we are 20 years apart in age, i have young children whom i would not live that sort of lifestyle with 24/7 unless it was with their own father and the sexual nature was completely kept to the bedroom.
Years ago i would have just slept around, bouncing from man to man to get what i felt i need.
Now, at 40, i am living a double life, yes. But it means that my children get to have the best dad in the world around them all the time. Means the world to me.
Husband and i still laugh, joke and rarely fight.
And.. the way i switch and change as time passes, its very possible i may tire of my Dom.