Quote:
Originally Posted by rainbow8
I like the answers; they make a lot of sense. I hope I'm not hijacking, but I too wonder if I am attached or attracted to my T. I think we can have both. I know I'm attached to her, and that's why I'm attracted to her, I think.
I would not look at another woman and think about liking her the way I do about my T. Yesterday, at my session, I felt both. She looked good, and I was aware of her in a way that made me close my eyes and not look at her. The "in love" part was there and I didn't want her to be.  So, was I attracted to her because of the transference and my attachment, or was I merely attracted to her? I don't know. If I saw her on the street, I wouldn't be interested because I'm not gay. So, it must be the attachment causing the attraction, right?
In any case, it is what it is. Whatever feelings you have for your T, Squiggle, it's best to accept them and not label them. I think they are normal. |
I just want to make sure that I am not setting myself up to be hurt. I don't understand my feelings at all. Like you, I wouldn't look at another woman and think about her like I do my therapist. The whole transference thing is a constant battle that I fight. I don't know what's real and what's not real! I don't know what a normal emotion is verses a 'not normal' or should I say 'not typical' emotion is.
I don't like the emotions I have toward my therapist because they scare me and confuse me. Who would want to just stare at their therapist? And actually feel comfort by doing that? Its not a sexual thing, but then again sometimes it does cross over to those kinds of thoughts.
I guess maybe she is a constant source of security for me and I need to SEE her to make sure she is still there. We do email, so I have those to keep me grounded and secure that this is a real relationship and not a figment of my messed up imagination!
Right now, I don't want to ever see her again because I am so afraid of being hurt or abandoned. I am going through this phase of "fear of being alone" and its overpowering for me at times. I guess I feel that if I cut her off before she has a chance to cut me off, it won't hurt as bad?