I posted a few days ago about an issue I had with a friend. (To recap: She has substance abuse issues, lies pathologically, got a DUI, got fired, and has been treating me poorly, violating my boundaries, and asking me to bail her out every time she gets in trouble. I wrote her an e-mail politely telling her I will no longer accept this behavior, she never responded, and this has led to the end of our friendship). All the feedback I got on PC, from my T, and from my RL friends is "Good for you; good for setting boundaries; you don't need unhealthy people in your life. Let go of those who bring issues negativity; hold on to the real friends who bring positivity and are there when you need them." I fully agree.

However, I just happen to be on fb newsfeed today, and I happen to see this girl's latest post: she put up pictures of her weekend, where's she's out and about, laughing, smiling, and writing captions like "best weekend of my life" and "never been happier!" and "came into some cash!" This is the same weekend that she made plans with me, flaked on me, passed out drunk, texted me for help, and ultimately received an e-mail from me, stating that her behavior had caused me to cut ties with her. It's disheartening to hear that my e-mail in no way caused her to think about her behavior, contemplate any changes, or even dampered her mood. Instead, she seems to be having the time of her life. She even wrote one post that said "looks like all my hard work is paying off!" My first thought: "What hard work? She's been drunk every night?" To me, it just feels as though she is being rewarded for her bad behavior-- she's having fun, she come into some money, and even though I cut ties with her, it seems others are more than willing to bail her out. I realize that my anger over this is MY issue. The fact that I'm even giving this time and thought is MY issue. I realize that I shouldn't even look at her fb when it comes up in my news feed and I should put my energy into my life, and not think about hers. Unfortunately, that's easier said than done. For whatever reason, this is bothering me and I can't just "not think about." It "gets to me" when it feels as though others are getting a good outcome from engaging in destructive behaviors. For instance, I have another friend who is making a lot of money by illegally renting out a property she purchased through a government program by lying about her circumstances, she is cheating on her live-in partner, and she was just telling me yesterday on the phone about how everything is "going her way" right now. I try not to get over-involved in others' circumstances-- and I try to just focus on living my life the way that feels right for me (no lying, no cheating, no illegal stuff). But, sometimes, it just makes me feel like "life's not fair." And, of course, as an adult, I know that life isn't fair and that I need to accept that, and get over it. I also know that in some ways, I'm very lucky-- I'm comfortable financially, I have a successful job, a good education, wonderful close friends, and a strong relationship with (most) of my family. But sometimes, I still can't help but feel irritated when situations like that happen with others I know. How do I work on this? How do I "retrain" these thoughts/feelings? How do I truly accept that "life's not fair" and get over it?

As I type this, I'm realizing that I think this feeling stems from the disparity in treatment between my sister and I when we were growing up. I did everything that I was supposed to do-- got good grades, was polite and respectful, didn't smoke, didn't do drugs, didn't have sex, etc-- and I was ignored by my dad and abused by our biological mom and our nanny. My sister did everything you'r not supposed to do-- bad grades, drank, did drugs, had sex, snuck out, talked back, etc-- and she got attention and praise from our dad and our nanny (and no abuse). Since she was my little sister, I always stepped in and protected her and took the abuse so she wouldn't have to. To this day, neither she nor my dad has ever acknowledged these disparities in treatment or the fact that I spent my childhood protecting her. It has always bothered me that my sister was always rewarded with attention, praise, and gifts for acting out, while I was routinely punished/abused despite my good behavior. I have talked about this in therapy off and on, I suppose I haven't resolved it or fully healed from it. I've asked my T before "how do I accept that life isn't fair?" and she hasn't really had any strategies to recommend. Has anyone else's T given them anything that works? I don't want to be angry or frustrated or harp on these kinds of disparities. I want to "get over them." I just don't know how. If it was as easy as "stop thinking about them" or "focus on yourself"-- then I'd be doing it. It's harder than that...