I see.

Thank you for all the clarifications.

Several things are disturbing. And at the same time, those things are GREAT NEWS for your healing process and future life.

1) the knife incident

2) his seemingly being severely retarded in some crucial aspects of his thinking... it is retarded to believe that a 22 year old girl who has had two miscarriages and claims inability to get pregnant is being truthful... since he was in his 30s and a married man with a son etc., and not a teenager, his life experience should have informed him but clearly it did not; suggests some sort of a selective mental retardation that only affects some of the aspects of his thinking and not others. Do not know the name for that, but it is something out of the range of ordinary.

3) his having put your health at risk in the past (that adds to (1) above, with the knife, to paint a very glum picture) - as you very well know, women get pregnant not from immaculate conception, but from sex without condoms and birth control; since he was going back and forth between women, he should have known better than to risk giving you STI's.

4) many more things are disturbing but let us cut to the chase

So no, he is not worth you. And no, you did not commit any faux pas. You did the right thing by divorcing him. Reading your depiction of the court day incident is very reassuring since your current H is clearly a mensch who knows how to conduct himself. And the ex, no, he is not. And was not. So there is nothing you did wrong. It was neither possible nor desirable to keep him. Your feelings for him are precious and an important, integral part of you, currently; hopefully they will some day... no, not evaporate, but go into hybernation, which is good enough... and still remain an important, integral part of your emotional history... but he, as a person, no, no, no, the current guy is better. Very clearly and without any doubt. So to the extent that you were unsure of whether you did the right thing behaviorally by divorcing the first H, you should not feel unsure - it was the right behavioral step. Feelings should be acknowledged, worked through, etc... that you and ex sometimes have a good time together is fine and might promise better time in the future... but to run back to him - no, he is not worth it. Why run back to a man who allows a 22 year old girl to force him (in essence) to relinquish his paternal rights?.. You do not want such a man. Your feelings for such a man are valuable, but the man himself is not.