i've tried it in the past, could do it again. it doesn't bother me most of the time, but right now anything with a sexual nature makes me uncomfortable... i think it's the intense flashbacks from the csa that are really messing me up.
I have tried a full-body massage as a compromise (something I can handle doing right now) and she seems to be ok with that for now. I try to do it all romantic and stuff, so it kinda gets the intimacy in without anything overtly sexual going on. We talked about it a bit again, but she still seems to forget from moment to moment. I feel really bad that I keep turning her down. The plan was originally to let me initiate for a while, but that doesn't seem to be happening. I wish we had our marriage therapist this week, but the stupid holiday messes with things. In the mean time, we try to talk it out. I hope it helps.

Thank you for the suggestion and responding. It really helps to be able to talk it out a bit with someone that is not involved in the relationship